"Single father" redirects here. For other uses, see Single Father (disambiguation).
"Single mother" redirects here. For the Canadian rock band, see Single Mothers (band).
A single parent is a parent that parents alone without the other parent's support, meaning this particular parent is the only parent to the child, responsible for all financial, material, and emotional needs. It means there is an absence of the other parent as opposed to a co-parent, meaning that the parent is not the only parent regardless of whether or not they are a couple. Of course, this definition is loosely true. There is no true definition of what "single parent" means and is more based on opinions. Sometimes, one finds themselves in a single-parent family structure that has arisen due to death of the partner, intentional artificial insemination, or unplanned pregnancy.
Historically, the death of a partner was a major cause of single parenting. Single parenting can also result from the breakup or divorce of coupled parents who leave and choose to not co-parent, thus leaving one parent to raise and support the child on their own. Most people confuse single parenting with co-parenting. It is not to be confused that if you co-parent, both parents are playing a role of supporting and raising the child. Co-parenting is not single parenting. Recent years have seen the increasing incidence and visibility of uncoupled women who choose to be single parents. When single women seek to get pregnant intentionally in order to become single mothers by choice (or "choice moms"), they often seek an anonymous or known sperm donor. Single-parent adoption or fostering is also sometimes an option for single adults who want to raise a family.
The demographics of single parenting show a general increase worldwide in children living in single parent homes. Single parenting has become a norm in the United States and is a trend found in many other countries. The morality and advisability of single motherhood has long been debated in the US. Single American mothers live in poverty 5 times more often than married parents. (National Women's Law Center, Poverty & Income Among Women & Families, 2000-2013) The topic is less contentious in Western European countries where all families enjoy more robust state-sponsored social benefits.
Single parenthood has been common historically due to parental mortality rate (due to disease, wars and maternal mortality). Historical estimates indicate that in French, English, or Spanish villages in the 17th and 18th centuries at least one-third of children lost one of their parents during childhood; in 19th-century Milan, about half of all children lost at least one parent by age 20; in 19th-century China, almost one-third of boys had lost one parent or both by the age of 15.Divorce was generally rare historically (although this depends by culture and era), and divorce especially became very difficult to obtain after the fall of the Roman Empire, in Medieval Europe, due to strong involvement of ecclesiastical courts in family life (though annulment and other forms of separation were more common).
In the United States, since the 1960s, there has been a marked increase in the number of children living with a single parent. The 1980 United States Census reported that 19.5% were single parent households. From 1980 to 2009, the percentage of single-parent households jumped to 29.5%. The jump was caused by an increase in births to unmarried women and by the increasing prevalence of divorces among couples. In 2010, 40.7% of births in the US were to unmarried women. In 2000, 11% of children were living with parents who had never been married, 15.6% of children lived with a divorced parent, and 1.2% lived with a parent who was widowed. The results of the 2010 United States Census showed that 27% of children live with one parent, consistent with the emerging trend noted in 2000. The most recent data of December 2011 shows approximately 13.7 million single parents in the U.S. Mississippi leads the nation with the highest percent of births to unmarried mothers with 54% in 2014, followed by Louisiana, New Mexico, Florida and South Carolina.
About 16% of children worldwide live in a single-parent household. In 2006, 12.9 million families in the US were headed by a single parent, 80% of which were headed by a female. In 2003, 14% of all Australian households were single-parent families. At the 2013 census, 17.8% of New Zealand families were single-parent, of which five-sixths were headed by a female. Single-parent families in New Zealand have fewer children than two-parent families; 56% of single-parent families have only one child and 29% have two children, compared to 38% and 40% respectively for two-parent families. In the United Kingdom, about 1 out of 4 families with dependent children are single-parent families, 8 to 11 percent of which have a male single-parent. UK poverty figures show that 52% of single parent families are below the Government-defined poverty line (after housing costs). Single parents in the UK are almost twice as likely to be in low-paid jobs as other workers (39% of working single parents compared with 21% of working people nationally). This is highlighted in a report published by Gingerbread, funded by Trust for London and Barrow Cadbury Trust.
Countries in Asia and the Middle East are the least likely to have children raised in single parent households. On the other hand, the 3 areas of the world that are most likely to have non-marital childbearing are Latin America, South Africa, and Sweden. Along with this, the areas where there are an extremely high number of children living in single parent homes include Africa, Europe, Latin America, North America, and Oceania. It has also been shown that children living in areas of South Africa are the very most likely to live with a single parent.
Overall, according to the New York Times', how a single parent is defined is dependent on each individual country's culture. There are statistical graphs and charts to support previously mentioned concerns and topics. The following reference ensures statistics of other countries worldwide, rather than just the United States.
There is some debate among experts as to what the important component of the family structure is, particularly in the US, centering on whether or not a complete family or the love and affection of the children's parents is more important. There are even some that argue that a single parent family is not even really a family. In American society, where living standard is very high, single moms and single dads are more likely to be poor, not only because they don't have help in the household, but also because they didn't have much money to begin with. With respect to this, recent public policy debates have centered on whether or not government should give aid to single parent households, which some believe will reduce poverty and improve their situation, or instead focus on wider issues like protecting employment. In addition, there is a debate on the behavioral effects of children with incarcerated parents, and how losing one or both parents to incarceration affects their academic performance and social well-being with others.
A variety of viewpoints exist and the debate is complicated by different interpretations of available research. The Institute for the Study of Civil Society reports that children of single parents, after controlling for other variables like family income, are more likely to have problems. The ONS reports that those children are twice more like to suffer from mental illness. Researchers show that children with no fathers are three times more likely to be unhappy, and are also more likely to engage in anti-social behavior, abuse substance and engage in juvenile deliquency.
It is encouraged that each parent respect the other, at least in the child's presence[by whom?], and provide child support for the primary caregiver, when parents are not married or separated. The civil behavior among separated parents has a direct effect on how child copes with their situation; this is especially seen in younger children who do not yet understand their familial separation, requiring both parents to establish a limited friendship to support the upbringing of their child.
Single-parent household children's educational achievement
In this section we will use data from U.S. Census bureau and the National Assessment of Educational Progress to evaluate how the increase in single-parent households may have affected children's educational achievements. The percentage of children living with single parents increased substantially in the United States during the second half of the 20th century. According to Child Trends, 2013 only 9% of children lived with single parents in the 1960s—a figure that increased to 28% in 2012. The main cause of single parent families are high rates of divorce and non-marital childbearing. According to Blankenhorn 1995, Fagan 1999, Pearlstein 2011, Popenoe 2009 and Whitehead 1997 researches, single parent family is the primary cause of school failure and problems of delinquency, drug use, teenage pregnancies, poverty, and welfare dependency in American society. Using multilevel modeling, Pong 1997 and Pong 1998 high proportions of children from single parent families perform very poorly on math and reading achievement tests in schools.
Primary caregivers in the United States
United States single mothers
In the United States, 83% of single parents are mothers. Among this percentage of single mothers: 45% of single mothers are currently divorced or separated, 1.7% are widowed, 34% of single mothers never have been married. Although decades ago, having a child outside of marriage and/or being a single mother was not prominent. Census information from 1960 tells us that in that year, only nine percent of children lived in single parent families. Today four out of every ten children are born to an unwed mother.
The prevalence of single mothers as primary caregiver is a part of traditional parenting trends between mothers and fathers. Data supports these claims, showing that in comparison to men, women are doing more than two-thirds of all child caring and in some cases one hundred percent. Of approximately 12 million single-parent homes in 2015, more than 80 percent were headed by single mothers. This disproportionate statistic has been well- documented in multiple country contexts all around the world. The United States Census Bureau found that today, one in four children under the age of 18, a total of 17.4 million are being raised without a father at all. Women all around the world have been perpetually socialized to adhere to traditional gender roles that place the majority of responsibility for childcare upon them.
Cultural definition of a mother's role contributes to the preference of mother as primary caregiver. The "motherhood mandate" describes the societal expectations that good mothers should be available to their children as much as possible. In addition to their traditional protective and nurturing role, single mothers may have to play the role of family provider as well; since men are the breadwinners of the traditional family, in the absence of the child support or social benefits the mother must fulfill this role whilst also providing adequate parentage. Because of this dual role, in the United States, 80% of single mothers are employed, of which 50% are full-time workers and 30% are part-time. Many employed single mothers rely on childcare facilities to care for their children while they are away at work. Linked to the rising prevalence of single parenting is the increasing quality of health care, and there have been findings of positive developmental effects with modern childcare. It is not uncommon that the mother will become actively involved with the childcare program as to compensate for leaving her children under the care of others. Working single mothers may also rely on the help from fictive kin, who provide for the children while the mother is at her job. All of these factors contribute to a well-documented heightened likelihood for single-parent, female-headed households to experience poverty.
Single mothers are one of the poorest populations, many of them vulnerable to homelessness. In the United States, nearly half (45%) of single mothers and their children live below the poverty line, also referred to as the poverty threshold. They lack the financial resources to support their children when the birth father is unresponsive. Many seek assistance through living with another adult, perhaps a relative, fictive kin, or significant other, and divorced mothers who remarry have fewer financial struggles than unmarried single mothers, who cannot work for longer periods of time without shirking their child-caring responsibilities. Unmarried mothers are thus more likely to cohabit with another adult. Many of the jobs available to women are not sufficient and do not bring in enough income for the mother and her children; this is common in the United States and other countries all over the world.
In the United States today, there are nearly 13.6 million single parents raising over 21 million children.[better source needed] Single fathers are far less common than single mothers, constituting 16% of single-parent families. According to Single Parent Magazine, the number of single fathers has increased by 60% in the last ten years, and is one of the fastest growing family situations in the United States. 60% of single fathers are divorced, by far the most common cause of this family situation. In addition, there is an increasing trend of men having children through surrogate mothers and raising them alone. While fathers are not normally seen as primary caregivers, statistics show that 90% of single-fathers are employed, and 72% have a full-time job.
"Father" has been variously defined throughout history as provider, dad, and even sire, carrying connotations of being demanding, disciplinary, and even cruel. Yet, as the writer Armstrong Williams remarks in the article "The Definition of Father," "...every father must take the time to be a dad as well as a friend, disciplinarian, shoulder to cry on, dance partner, coach, audience, adviser, listener, and so much more." Williams, the writer quoted above, goes on to say that he viewed his father as the driving force in his family and also someone who brought strength and compassion to his family. In addition to these qualities, the single father must take on the role of the mother, a role that extends deep into morality, devotion, and the ability to set up an educational yet nurturing environment. Thus it is the father's role to be a source of both resilience and strength, and love and compassion.
Little research has been done to suggest the hardships of the "single father as a caretaker" relationship; however, a great deal has been done on the hardships of a single-parent household. Single-parent households tend to find difficulty with the lack of help they receive. More often than not a single parent finds it difficult to find help because there is a lack of support, whether it be a second parent or other family members. This tends to put a strain on not only the parent but also the relationship between the parent and their child. Furthermore, dependency is a hardship that many parents find difficult to overcome. As the single parent becomes closer to their child, the child grows more and more dependent upon that parent. This dependency, while common, may reach far past childhood, damaging the child due to their lack of independence from their parent. "Social isolation of single parents might be a stress factor that they transmit to children. Another explanation may be that the parents do not have the time needed to support and supervise their children. This can have a negative impact on the child."
Just as above, it has been found that little 'specific' research to the positives of the father as a single parent has been done; however, there are various proven pros that accompany single parenting. One proven statistic about single fathers states that a single father tends to use more positive parenting techniques than a married father. As far as non-specific pros, a strong bond tends to be formed between parent and child in single-parenting situations, allowing for an increase in maturity and closeness in the household. Gender roles are also less likely to be enforced in a single parent home because the work and chores are more likely to be shared among all individuals rather than specifically a male or female.
Mental health of single mothers
It has been statistically proven that the lack of social support for single mothers causes them to spiral into depression. Over 9.5 million American families are run by one woman.
Single mothers are likely to have mental health issues, financial hardships, live in a low income area, and receive low levels of social support. All of these factors are taken into consideration when evaluating the mental health of single mothers. The occurrence of moderate to severe mental disability was more pronounced among single mothers at 28.7% compared to partnered mothers at 15.7%. These mental disabilities include but are not limited to anxiety and depression. Financial hardships also have an impact on the mental health of single mothers. Women, ages 15–24, were more likely to live in a low socio-economic area, have one child, and not to have completed their senior year of high school. These women reported to be in the two lowest income areas, and their mental health was much poorer than those in higher income areas.
A similar study on the mental health of single mothers attempted to answer the question, "Are there differences in the prevalence of psychiatric disorders, between married, never-married, and separated/divorced mothers?" Statistically, never married, and separated/divorced mothers had the highest regularities of drug abuse, personality disorder and PTSD. The family structure can become a trigger for mental health issues in single mothers. They are especially at risk for having higher levels of depressive symptoms.
Studies from the 1970s showed that single mothers who are not financially stable are more likely to experience depression. In a more current study it was proven that financial strain was directly correlated with sky rocket levels of depression. Among low-income, single mothers, depressive symptoms may be as high as 60%.
Types of single parenting
Historically, death of a partner was a common cause of single parenting. Diseases and maternal death not infrequently resulted in a widower or widow responsible for children. At certain times wars might also deprive significant numbers of families of a parent. Improvements in sanitation and maternal care have decreased mortality for those of reproductive age, making death a less common cause of single parenting.
In 2009, the overall divorce rate was around 9/1000 in the United States. It was also found that more influence came from the south, with the rates there being about 10.5/1000, as opposed to the north where it was around 7/1000. This resulted in about 1.5% (around 1 million) children living in the house of a recently divorced parent in the same year. Along with this, it has been shown that for the past 10 years or so, first marriages have a 40% chance of ending in divorce. And, for other marriages after a first divorce, the chance of another divorce increases. In 2003, a study showed that about 69% of children in American living in a household that was a different structure than the typical nuclear family. This was broken down into about 30% living with a stepparent, 23% living with a biological mother, 6% with grandparents as caregivers, 4% with a biological father, 4% with someone who was not a direct relative, and a small 1% living with a foster family.
Around the mid-1990s, there was a significant amount of single parents raising children, with 1.3 million single fathers and 7.6 million single mothers in the United States alone. However, many parents desire, or attempt, to get sole custody, which would make them a single parent, but are unsuccessful in the court process. There are many parents who may single parent, but do so without official custody, further biasing statistics.
Children and divorce
See also: Implications of divorce
Child custody in reference to divorce refers to which parent is allowed to make important decisions about the children involved. Physical custody refers to which parent the child lives with. Among divorced parents, "parallel parenting" refers to parenting after divorce in which each parent does so independently; this is most common. In comparison, cooperative parenting occurs when the parents involved in the child's life work together around all involved parties' schedules and activities, and this is far less common. After a certain "crisis period," most children resume normal development; however, their future relationships are often affected, as they lack a model upon which to base a healthy long term relationship. Nonetheless, as adults children of divorcees cope better with change.
Children are affected by divorce in many different ways, varying by the circumstances and age of the child. Young children ages two to six are generally the most fearful of parental separation, and often feel abandoned or confused. Both boys and girls have the same amount of trouble coping, but often show this in different ways. Nonetheless this age group adapts best to their situations, as they are often too young to remember their non-custodial parent vividly. Children ages seven to twelve are much better at expressing emotions and accepting parentage breakage, but often distrust their parents, rely on outside help and support for encouragement, and may manifest social and academic problems. Adolescents cope the worst with divorce; they often struggle most with the change, and may even turn away from their family entirely, dealing with their situation on their own. They often have problems expressing feelings, similar to far younger children, and may have adjustment issues with long-term relationships due to these feelings. Keeping in touch with both parents and having a healthy relationship with both mother and father appears to have the most effect on a child's behavior; which leads to an easier time coping with the divorce as well as development through the child's life. Children will do better with their parents divorce if they have a smooth adjustment period. One way to make this adjustment easier on children is to let them "remain in the same neighborhoods and schools following divorce."
Main article: Unintended pregnancy
Some out of wedlock births are intended, but many are unintentional. Out of wedlock births are not acceptable to society, and they often result in single parenting. A partner may also leave as he or she may want to shirk responsibility of bringing up the child. This also may result in a negative impact on the child. Where they are not acceptable, they sometimes result in forced marriage, however such marriages fail more often than others.
In the United States, the rate of unintended pregnancy is higher among unmarried couples than among married ones. In 1990, 73% of births to unmarried women were unintended at the time of conception, compared to about 44% of births overall.
Mothers with unintended pregnancies, and their children, are subject to numerous adverse health effects, including increased risk of violence and death, and the children are less likely to succeed in school and are more likely to live in poverty and be involved in crime.
"Fragile Families" are usually caused by an unintended pregnancy out of wedlock. Usually in this situation the father is not completely in the picture and the relationship between the mother, father, and child is consistently unstable. As well as instability "fragile families" are often limited in resources such as human capital and financial resources, the kids that come from these families are more likely to be hindered within school and don't succeed as well as kids who have strictly single parents or two parent homes. Usually within these families the father plans to stick around and help raise the child but once the child is born the fathers do not stay for much longer and only one third stay after five years of the child's birth. Most of these fragile families come from low economic status to begin with and the cycle appears to continue; once the child grows up they are just as likely to still be poor and live in poverty as well. Most fragile families end with the mother becoming a single parent, leaving it even more difficult to come out of the poverty cycle. The gender of the baby seems to have no effect if the father is not living with the mother at the time of the birth meaning they are still likely to leave after one year of the child's birth. Yet there is some evidence that suggests that if the father is living with the mother at the time of the birth he is more likely to stay after one year if the child is a son rather than a daughter.
Some individuals choose to become pregnant and parent on their own. Others choose to adopt. Typically referred to in the West as "Single Mothers by Choice" or "Choice Moms" though, fathers also (less commonly) may choose to become single parents through adoption or surrogacy. Many turn to single parenthood by choice after not finding the right person to raise children with, and for women, it often comes out of a desire to have biological children before it is too late to do so. Previous generations typically did not have this option and were coerced by social pressure to marry someone less than ideal or undergo a shotgun wedding in order to experience parenthood in a socially-acceptable way.
Xin con or "asking for a child" was practiced in Vietnam by women veterans of the Vietnam War who had passed the customary age of marriage while engaged in the war. They asked men to help them conceive a child. In 1986 legitimacy of children of single mothers in Vietnam was recognized by the Marriage and Family Law.
Single parent adoption
History of single parent adoptions
Single parent adoptions have existed since the mid 19th century. Men were rarely considered as adoptive parents, and were considered far less desired. Often, children adopted by a single person were raised in pairs rather than alone, and many adoptions by lesbians and gay men were arranged as single parent adoptions. During the mid 19th century many state welfare officials made it difficult if not impossible for single persons to adopt, as agencies searched for "normal" families with married men and women. In 1965, the Los Angeles Bureau of Adoptions sought single African-Americans for African-American orphans for whom married families could not be found. In 1968, the Child Welfare League of America stated that married couples were preferred, but there were "exceptional circumstances" where single parent adoptions were permissible.
Not much has changed with the adoption process since the 1960s. However, today, many countries only allow women to adopt as a single parent, and many others only allow men to adopt boys.
Single parent adoptions are controversial. They are, however, still preferred over divorcees, as divorced parents are considered an unnecessary stress on the child. In one study, the interviewers asked children questions about their new lifestyle in a single-parent home. The interviewer found that when asked about fears, a high proportion of children feared illness or injury to the parent. When asked about happiness, half of the children talked about outings with their single adoptive parent. A single person wanting to adopt a child has to be mindful of the challenges they may face, and there are certain agencies that will not work with single adoptive parents at all. Single parents will typically only have their own income to live off of, and thus might not have a backup plan for potential children in case something happens to them. Traveling is also made more complex, as the child must either be left in someone else's care, or taken along.
Single parent adoption in the United States
Single parent adoption is legal in all 50 states, a relatively recent occurrence as California's State Department of Social Welfare was the first to permit it in the 1960s. Still, the process is arduous, and even next to impossible through some agencies. Adoption agencies have strict rules about what kinds of people they allow, and most are thorough in checking the adopter's background. An estimated 5-10% of all adoptions in the U.S. are by single persons.
Single parents in Australia
In Australia 2011, out of all families 15.9% were single parent families. Out of these families 17.6% of the single parents were males, whilst 82.4% were females. During the 1960-2016 period, the percentage of children living with only their mother nearly tripled from 8 to 23 percent and the percentage of children living with only their father increased from 1 to 4 percent. The percentage of children not living with any parent increased slightly from 3 to 4 percent.
Single parent adoption
Single people are eligible to apply for adoption in all states of Australia, except for Queensland and South Australia. They are able to apply for adoption both to Australian born and international born children, although not many other countries allow single parent adoptions.
Single parents in Australia are eligible for support payments from the government, but only if they are caring for at least one child under the age of eight.
Living arrangements for single parents
Many single parents co-residence with their parents, more commonly single mothers do this. Studies show that in the US it is more likely that a single mother will co-residence with the Grandparents. It is more likely that single parents struggling financially with young children, will live with the Grandparents.
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Are you worried about how your single parent status can affect your child? Are you looking for more information on the subject? If you nodded along, then you should consider reading our post below on single parent benefits and hindrances.
While it is true that parenting is one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, it can also be one of the toughest responsibilities ever, especially if you are a single parent. Bringing up a child alone has its pros and cons. Scroll down and learn more about the advantages and disadvantages of single parenting.
What Are The Advantages And Disadvantages Of Single Parenting?
Like there is a good and bad side for almost anything that happens in life, parenting, or rather, single parenting has its ups and downs. No matter what your circumstances or reasons, once you are a single parent, you should be prepared for the good and bad and handle it accordingly. Before you start thinking too much into it, here are the advantages of being a single parent and as well disadvantages:
Advantages Of Single Parenting:
You may have mostly thought that being a single parent can be a hard job, with too much to do, less time for yourself, no time to be out with friends and hardly any time to meet new people. But all said and done, as a single parent, you do get to experience a lot of advantages too. Here are just some benefits of being a single parent that you should give yourself a pat on the back, and a smile on the face for:
1. You Make All The Parenting Decisions:
As a single parent, the entire authority of making the decisions will rest on you. While this may seem a little intimidating in the beginning, you will soon realize what a boon it is when it comes to taking all the decisions that will affect your children.
From the school your children will attend to the classes they will take, the type of food they eat, the friends they go out with, the places you visit, what you buy and where you buy, how you spend your weekends, what you do and do not do and other restrictions or freedom that your child will ever have will all come from you!
[ Read: Common Challenges Of Single Parenting ]
2. Managing The Finances:
As a single parent, you will also have the choice to decide how you spend your money on your children and you. You will always be in a better position to plan your finances and understand when you can splurge just a bit more and when you need to cut down. You will also be able to help your children understand finances and teach them to manage money better.
When you start planning your finances yourself, instead of going for a family income and expenditure account that you may have done while you were with your partner, you will realize that most decisions that you take, such as what type of home you will live in and where, will all be yours to make, which is quite a big thing but a great choice at the end of the day.
3. Your Children Will Be Super Responsible:
While being a single parent means that you will have to handle almost all the work by yourself, it also means that you will teach your children will learn to be responsible for their actions at a young age. Of course it is not humanly possible for you to do everything on your own, whether it is for you, for the home or your child.
Being a single parent will mean that you help your child be a team player and work together as a team, instead of making your child rely on you for every little thing. Your child will learn the importance of planning and handling his or her actions. When you want to do something for the house, such as get a new piece of furniture or even go grocery shopping, chances are you will always ask your child for their opinion. Not only will it make your child feel important, but it will also instill a sense of responsibility that will come from participating in team work and everyday decision-making process.
[ Read: Tips To Be A Successful Single Parent ]
4. Undivided Attention:
As the child of a single parent, your little one will get all your undivided attention, without the worry of your love and attention getting divided between you and your spouse. As long as your child is with you, your entire love and attention will be towards your child, and similarly, whenever your child is with your ex, the entire love and attention of your ex will also be towards your child.
No matter how things stand between you and your ex, your child will always have the chance to experience all the love and care without any of the negativity that could otherwise seep in when you and your ex do not see eye to eye. As a single parent who is not married yet, you will also have enough time on your hands without having to worry about giving your time and dedication towards building another new relationship. Also, once you do decide to get into a relationship, your future partner will already know about the time division that you have, and you will also be in a better position to understand whether or not a future relationship will work out or not.
5. You’ll Not Be Dependent On Others:
While you were in a relationship with your ex, you most probably always tried to look at the relationship as a balancing act. From going out to work to working at home, to cooking or doing the dishes or doing the laundry, to managing your child’s homework to going for school meetings, there was always a list of things that you had to decide with your partner and see who would do what. It is possible that many times you got into an argument with your partner when you felt that you were always the one who had to do most of the work, or if your partner criticized you about your ways or asked you to do more. To make your relationship work, you most likely tried to iron out the differences and try and juggle more and more, which may have made you feel bitter and resentful towards each other.
As a single parent, though, even while the onus of parenting and managing the home is on you, you will still be your boss. When you know that there is no one else in the house to take care of certain responsibilities but only you, you will make sure that you find a way of doing it yourself to the best of your abilities. In a positive light, you will no longer be dependent on your partner to help you with certain tasks in the house or outside. You will learn to manage your time and whether or not you have someone to help you, you will still be able to do it on your own.
[ Read: Influence of Parenting on Children ]
Disadvantages Of Single Parenting:
Of course, it is difficult, and that too when you are a single parent. From a family with two parents, you are now suddenly the one who will have to take care of your children and home, and, of course, it cannot be an easy transition. But when it comes to parenting, nothing can be easy or without adventure. In the initial months and even years, you may feel that your life has taken a full-blown hit where you are not able to differentiate between the day or night, where you have no idea of what you are doing anymore, or who you are.
Being a single parent can be a hard job, with too much to do, less time for yourself, no time to be out with friends and hardly any time to meet new people. But all said and done, it is the only way of life you have now, so why not try and understand the disadvantages better, so that you can deal with them in the best possible way? Here are some of the disadvantages of a single parent family that you should give a thought to and plan in advance to see how you can best work with them:
1. Always Short On Money:
As a single parent, if you do not have a financial settlement with your ex over finances, the chances are that you will find yourself in the difficult spot of providing for the expenses. While you try to take care of the money situation, you could often find yourself juggling between jobs and trying to take on more than one job to help support your financial condition. It can not only put a lot of stress on your mind as well as your health, but it can also take away a lot of your time and make it difficult for you to spend quality time with your children.
Spending all your time, attention and strength on focusing on the finances can take a toll on you, which can have a negative impact on the way you behave with your children. Until you have a proper plan where you can balance the income and the expenditure, it can get difficult for you to concentrate on anything else. Try and involve your children in the budget planning to make it easier to manage money as well as to keep them in the loop.
[ Read: Positive & Negative Effects Of Single Parenting ]
2. Being Overloaded With Work:
While being a single parent will give you all the run of the house and you will be the only one who takes all the decisions related to your home and your children, it is also true that you will have an overload of things to look after. As you also have to take care of the finances, it means that you will spend a lot of time at work, more so if you are trying to do multiple jobs. Coming down in the financial status from a double income family to a single income family can be a big change for your children as well as you, and in your efforts to keep your children’s lifestyle same as earlier, you may be taking up too much load upon yourself.
If you are trying to make your money count, you probably will also try to avoid any additional expenditure, such as household help. What it also means is that even though you be able to save on that money, the time you spend doing everything can get you overworked and irritated. Also, if your children are still too young, you may find yourself faced with a load of tasks that only you can take care of, and may not be able to delegate the same to your children.
3. Feeling Lonely:
Getting out of a relationship with your ex may or may not make you want to get into another relationship yet, but it does not mean that you will not get lonely. Whether or not you have an amicable relationship with your ex, you will still be alone at the end of the day, and even though you will have your children with you, you may crave some adult company, even if just for the sake of some end of the day grown up conversation.
Even if you may not be looking for any intimate company yet, you may feel that you are the only partner who is left to take care of everything, while your partner has conveniently taken the easy way out. Also, as you are the main and maybe only caregiver to your children, you will rarely have the time or the opportunity to go out and socialize with other like-minded individuals. Not meeting other people and not being able to spend time with friends can also make you feel extremely lonely.
[ Read: The Impact Of Divorce On Children ]
4. Disciplining Your Children Can Be A Problem:
Often, even as you face the repercussion or loss of your relationship, your child too will have trouble in adjusting to the new status of being the child of a single parent. While you may be trying to do everything to make your child comfortable and feel safe and loved, there are moments that your child will feel abandoned or unloved, and may react in a rebellious or aggressive way. Such a situation can make it especially difficult for you to set boundaries for your child and discipline them.
Children can also be very smart at emotionally manipulating parents, and if your child is already going through feelings of loneliness and is upset or sad, you will have trouble in disciplining as well as following up on any rules that you may have set previously. Also, if your child frequently meets your ex and you and your ex do not have the same values of discipline, there can be a conflict of thought that can make your child feel confused about what to follow and what to listen to.
5. Negativity In Your Child:
Every child is different, and the way your child may react to your single parent status may not be what you had anticipated earlier. It is important for you to remember that your child will find the sudden change very disturbing and confusing, and there may be many instances when your child actually blames you for any of the problems that have surfaced in your relationship with your ex. It is also possible that your child resents you for some time, blaming you for being selfish and for breaking up a relationship and a home that your child felt was perfect.
Your child’s initial reaction can sometimes continue for a long period, and can also turn into a serious behavioral issue. The change in parenting status is a difficult change for your child to accept, and even your best attempts at trying to make your child understand can sometimes backfire.
Strengths Of Single Parenting:
An ideal family setup for a child involves both the mother and father. Children of single parents miss that setup. However, that is compensated with certain strengths of single parenting. As the parent is solely responsible for the well-being of the children, they tend to focus more on the child, to make sure that there is no void in their parenting. Below, we list some of the greatest strengths of single parenting.
1. Children understand their responsibility:
Single parents look up to their children for support and cooperation. And they get it too, in most cases. One of the best positives about single parenting is that the children know their responsibilities well, and they try their best to do them right. This makes them independent, taking away the burden of single parenting.
2. Post-divorce stress eases out:
A family that goes through divorce experiences severe stress and tension at home. The phase after that — single parenting — brings in some much needed calm and peace. There is a reduction in hostility. Children, who are generally put at the back burner due to the divorce, become important again. The phase after the divorce is more nurturing and loving.
3. Children are cautious about partners:
Often, children in single-parent families are cautious in choosing their partners. As they have seen their parents struggle, they understand the importance of having compatibility with the partner at various levels. Not just that, once they are in a relationship, they value that bonding and give their best to it. At the same time, they are also mentally prepared to deal with any break-ups or unpleasant experiences in the relationship.
4. Parents and children share a friendship:
Children who grow up with single parents are often empathetic towards them. They understand that their single parents would need their companionship at home. This brings them close to their parents, paving way for a strong bond of friendship. They depend on one another and are communicative and supportive.
5. Parents devote more time towards children:
As the parent and children work together, and the parent involves themselves in the child’s education and other activities, they tend to spend more time with each other. The children and parent take care of the home and indulge in chores together, or go out for a movie. This filters down to a healthy relationship between them.
How Can You Help Your Child And Yourself With The Single Parent Status?
Becoming a single parent will be a hard choice and change for you as well as for your child. Juggling through so many emotions can be difficult for you, and when you have to take care of your child’s emotions as well, it can almost always seem like an impossibly difficult job. However, you can minimize the pain and damage it causes to both you and your child by taking some baby steps to help prepare you both for the change. Here are a few tips that can help you connect better with your child and also help you adapt better to your single parent status:
No matter what your time or financial constraints, make it a point to form a stronger bond with your child. Even though it can sometimes be emotionally overwhelming to sit and explain everything to your child, make sure that you address all queries that your child may have, as it will help your child understand you better.
[ Read: Different Types of Parenting Styles ]
If you are busy through the week and are not able to give as much quality time to your child as you would otherwise want to, make sure you set up a dedicated number of hours for each weekend that you will spend exclusively with your child. Plan fun activities for your child that both of you can take part in together. The activities do not have to involve spending money. Instead, you can plan lots of fun and interesting activities depending on your child’s age and interest. For example, both you and your child can spend a day in the kitchen doing simple yet super fun things such as kneading dough, beating eggs, making a batter for a cake, baking a cake, chopping and dicing vegetables under your supervision and many more such fun yet simple tasks in the kitchen. You can also try and make the weekends a special day to hit the beach or go to the park. Make sure that when you are there with your child, you plan it in such a way that you are not distracted by anything else.
Do not give up hope about yourself or about your future in terms of companionship or relationship. Give yourself some time to settle down as a newly single parent, where you can understand your child’s and your needs better. Once you have established a routine and your child seems a little bit more settled in the new life, you can start looking for people who have similar interests as you. If you are interested in books or theater, you can join a club or take up a new hobby course. If your time and finances permit, you can also take a quick weekend getaway with friends, where you will have the chance to meet new people or just be by yourself and clear your thoughts. Make sure that you first speak to your ex and make arrangements for your children to be taken care of before making any plans for yourself.
[ Read: Books On Single Parenting ]
Watch out for signs of anger, confusion or distress in your child. As a single parent, you already have your hands full, and you are already doing all you can for your child. However, it is also very important for you to constantly keep a watch on your child’s mood and behavior. The initial few months and year are crucial for your child to adjust to the new setting. If your child is sensitive and emotional, it can be even harder to adjust. Be there for your child as a parent, as a confidante and as a friend.
Whether you have decided to become a single parent out of choice, or may have been forced to be one due to circumstances, but whatever the reasons, do not blame yourself or feel guilty about it. Embrace the status knowing that it will be a hard road to cover initially, but as time goes on, both you and your children will learn to cope better and also be happy with each other.
Moms, if you have any experience about single parenting, share your valuable experiences below.
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